How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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