I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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