I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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