someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
