I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
