arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
