so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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