oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
