I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
