everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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