Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
