She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
