Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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