Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
