wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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