i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
