pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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