You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
