I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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