she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
