So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
