So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
