I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
