good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
now i know why i became what i already was.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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