I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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