He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
