At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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