im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
