i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
