I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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