Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
