we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
