I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
