Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
