you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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