I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sext me about skeletons
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
