Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
