I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
