sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
