ugly people sure do ruin things
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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