i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
