I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
