toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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