...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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