i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
