You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
