You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
