I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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