I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
