I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
