So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
