how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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