yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
