So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
