chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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