Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
cat food counts as protein by the way
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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