you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
