I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize