can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
