and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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