Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
