he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
