i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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