Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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