last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
