Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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