is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
